The good Lord has reminded me recently these past couple of days of this verse that has brought me a lot of encouragement and strength in the past. It's one of my favorite passages, and lately it's been coming into my head... hmmmm....
"But strive first for the Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
In struggles, in defeat, in sorrow, confusion and all the rest... we can hold onto this. In order to do His will, we have to strive for His Kingdom first as that will allow us to do His will.
BACK TRACK... to mid July, 2009? ( Middle of mission-ish)
I had walked back to our wonderful Munroe House from Mass, Eucharistic Adoration and Confession one morning. I felt renewed and ready to take on the world, one might say. I walked up the "three death stairs" as I liked to call them (for obvious reasons) to only receive a big hug from my beautiful house mate and sister Ese (not my sister by blood, but by Christ). She asked me how Adoration went and I told her how I felt renewed and how I had a really great confession, etc. When she heard I went to confession, she looked at me with such awe and exclaimed "YOU COULD GO TO HEAVEN RIGHT NOW!!" I think she was almost jealous of me, but in a good way. I could go straight to Heaven right then... unless of course I had committed some form of sin on my walk home, but I quickly cancelled out that possibility seeing as it only took 48 seconds to walk from Lourdes Parish to the Munroe House and I was not yelling at God for the interesting summer weather or anything... in fact I think I may have been skipping my way home...
I had to laugh a bit because Ese is just so darn adorable for saying that and because I know that she truly believes this with all her heart and I wish I could have the same amazing desire that she has! But I was taken aback briefly as I tried to absorb what she had just said.... I could've gone to Heaven right then! I had never thought about it that way. This brought me back to that verse... was I striving for His Kingdom? Or was it something I thought of as something far far farrrrr away? Why did I just go to Mass, confession and Adoration? In my daily living, am I striving for His Kingdom? Would I have wanted to go to Heaven then, or did I think I had more of my life to live? I can say honestly now, that at that moment... the first thought in my head was.... "ummm...ya... I want to go to Heaven right now.... not."
WHY THE HECK WOULDN'T I WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN?!! WHAT AM I SAYING?! IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S TODAY OR TOMORROW OR IN 40 YEARS FROM NOW, IT'S NOT IN MY TIME, BUT HIS!!! WHY ON EARTH WOULD I NOT WANT TO BE WITH MY LORD AND SAVIOUR RIGHT NOW?!?!!
( what went on in my head when this happened )
This passage reminds me of that moment from the summer when God was asking me..."Are you striving for My Kingdom? Won't you come?!" I was living not for Him as much, but for me and my life.... me me me.
There was something holding me back from having that desire to be at the heart of Jesus. To encounter Him in such a way where my desire would always be His Kingdom. The desire to leave this life of exile at His time and to be with Him forever. Something was saying... you have time... there's no rush.
BAM!! That's a lie! Satan is so good at lying to us, he's a jerk.
WHERE IS OUR SENSE OF URGENCY?!?
Heaven will be the moment when I encounter my Lord within my soul. So, whatever I do here on earth must be for His Kindgom because His Kindgom lies within my soul, not tomorrow, not a year from now... today! His Kingdom lies within my soul today, and what am I doing for His Kingdom today?!!
I've noticed that I did these a lot in this post: ??!!?!?!?!!!
I was trying to emphasize either yelling or just really big points in the post. Or both. You decide.
Back to you Matty!
p.s. - In 26 days, Matt and I will be reunited which means most likely on December 31st at approximately 8:00pm (Winnipeg Time) Matt and I will be all dressed up fancy and getting a picture taken of yours truly for the blog. Good news right!?!